Empathy and storytelling

This was on the wall at a school I visited just before the pandemic shut everything down in 2020.

I was listening to George Lakoff’s podcast Framelabs, when I heard him say, “Empathy is the heart of democracy.” His podcast partner asked how we bring more empathy into our world. Lakoff said, “We have to do it from a societal level.” My first thought was, “Hmmph. That’s no answer at all.”

My next thought was, “Oh…wait, that IS my job. We have to start with the children.” More and more, I feel compelled to tell stories that promote kindness, compassion and courage.

I was going to write here about the science of empathy, how stories act on the brain, all the stuff about cortisol and oxytocin, what researchers have discovered, etc.. All useful to google and read about, but I’d rather tell you why telling stories to build empathy seems of paramount importance to me right now.

I want to live in a world where people care about each other, where we look out for those who need help, where we don’t say, “well, those people should just pull themselves up by their bootstraps.” I want children to understand that helping others—and helping the earth—is not weakness but strength. I want my presence, my stories, and yes, my puppets, to say to children, “You matter. I see you. I care. We are in this together.”

So I tell a story about a kind mole who helps a lost sparrow. We sing “I love the mountains”. I tell a story about a girl who invites everybody to her birthday party.and another about a horse who goes looking for another horse to be his friend. I model kindness when my rainbow sloth puppet Hairy is scared to meet the children. I also build in places in stories where we all take a deep breath. We sing “Poor little bug on the wall” to let all our emotions out, including those that are deemed unacceptable. Sometimes I tell funny stories, so we can all laugh together. We stretch our emotional muscles.

Not every story or song I do is about kindness, but many are. I hope they stick.

Does this resonate with you? What are some of your favorite stories or songs that build empathy?

Kindness, compassion and courage: telling stories for character education

Since I came home from the Fulbright in Bulgaria in July, I've been quietly working on some of the stories I found there. There's one in particular that I've told in schools that has pushed me in a new direction. It's a story that every Bulgarian child knows, one I call Grandmother Bear and the hurtful words. Directly translated it is Grandmother Bear and the bad word, (Баба Меца и лошата дума) but when I introduced it that way, the students were puzzled, as there were no curse words in the story. 

This is a story of a man inadvertently hurting his good friend by speaking thoughtlessly. It's not a subtle story but one that hits hard. I've never liked stories with blunt lessons. Too preachy. When I first found this story, in fact, I passed it by. As I searched for stories, I kept on encountering different versions of this story and finally thought, "Hmm, maybe there's something here, maybe I'll try it out." 

I've been telling it to students from second to sixth grade since September. Each time, I've discussed it afterwards with the kids. I ask them what they think of it, how it made them feel and what they might have done in the man's place. I also let them know that they have permission not to like all the stories I tell. Because it's such a serious story and maybe because the students are used to funny stories from me, the listeners seem to welcome the chance to talk about it, to reflect upon it. Generally they like it—and teachers have been overwhelmingly in favor of the story. In one fourth-grade group, as I was leaving, the teacher asked the students to pair up and talk to each other about the story.

This has led me to create a new program for kindergarten through sixth grade called Kindness, compassion and courage: telling stories for character education. In it, I tell stories that highlight character traits. We reflect and discuss these traits after each story. I've just finished the accompanying study guide.

This is a shift for me. I've always believed that the stories should be strong enough to stand on their own, without my interference in the listeners' interpretations. In order not to be preachy or overly didactic, I must have a light touch with the stories and the follow-up. In this program, my goal is not to impose my ideas but to approach the students with genuine curiosity about their reactions and to stimulate thought and discussion. My hope is that they'll take the best from these stories to apply to their own experiences.

Let me know what you think!